


the clouds, the clear sky

by 91daesmods



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Broken!Chenlay, Lay-centric, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-06-01 15:54:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6526549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/91daesmods/pseuds/91daesmods
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>yixing wants jongdae to clear the clouds in his heart.</p><p>Author: LJ user <a href="http://dyorayaki.livejournal.com/">dyorayaki</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	the clouds, the clear sky

**Author's Note:**

> both fics from R1 and R2 were beautifully written and i hope i did justice to the two fics although i did break all of them. or only one. i’m crying.
> 
> also, since yixing’s point of view hadn't been done for both rounds, i tried to do it in his perspective ; ;

 

 _i regret my choices_ , yixing thinks ruefully while slurping on his jajangmyeon, seated in the window seat of one of the restaurants lined up on the street of gangnam. jajangmyeon in gangnam. the most expensive region in seoul. maybe he regrets that too. yixing almost laughs from the irony of it all. he doesn’t though, because if he does, he’d drop all the noodles in his mouth. and he swears that if he drops the gooey goodness on the table, he’d definitely start wailing.  
  
yixing wonders when it all started. had it been when he dragged jongdae up the hill? was it when jongdae first laid his eyes on the blue house? or had it been joonmyeon’s body? _joonmyeon’s body._ yixing puts his hand on the blue sweatshirt over his stomach and sighs. was joonmyeon really _that_ much better than him? he rubs his stomach again and feels the slight bulge from it. he has flabs. yixing’s heart cries out and he doesn’t feel like eating anymore.  
  
  


☆

  
  
so he starts to wonder again, what had gone wrong that jongdae, his boyfriend of two and a half years, would leave him for joonmyeon, someone they had only met for something close to two months. he lays on the entirety of the couch and takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. the apartment is now completely devoid of life, there’s only yixing on the couch. there’s no jongdae singing in the shower. the television isn’t on, showing The Voice because yixing knows jongdae loves that show. only the lights in the living room are on. everything else is just dark, dark and dark. like yixing’s heart and mind. yixing really, _really_ misses jongdae. he thinks about the times they’ve spent together cuddled on the bed that yixing doesn’t want to sleep on anymore (so he doesn’t have to cry himself to sleep). then he tries to keep his tears at bay.  
  


☆

  
  
the last time he saw jongdae was two nights ago, when jongdae was hauling his things out into the dark, but starry night. there was a car parked outside the apartment complex and yixing pretended not to know who it belonged to. but he _knew_ , and he hoped that joonmyeon could feel his sorrow from the thirteenth floor and have the decency to feel guilty. yixing brought the three of them together! and now yixing regrets ever trying to improve jongdae’s stamina. jongdae kissed him goodbye (not the i’m-leaving-for-work goodbye, but the last, final one) and flashed a sad smile, one that yixing hadn’t seen ever since they graduated from university. jongdae had only smiled like that when he failed his tests. but now he was smiling this way to yixing. yixing felt like a failure, and still, the feeling lingers. he can still see jongdae’s silhouette in the kitchen, humming and swaying his hips while cooking instant ramyeon. but then he reminds himself again, _it’s just a hallucination._  
  
yixing’s sure that the stars are mocking him as he stares out of the window from the couch. they’re out and shining brightly, sparkling like diamonds against the dark, black sky. there are no clouds in sight, like the clouds he feels formed densely in his heart, and he would like his heart to be clear again. but there’s no hope because there’s no jongdae and to yixing, jongdae is the wind to blow to confusion and unhappiness away.  
  
apparently jongdae doesn’t see yixing the same way. maybe jongdae thinks yixing’s the cloud, the burden in his life, yixing muses. that’s why he left. yixing jots down that reason at the back of his mind. it’s reason number thirty-three from the list of why kim jongdae left zhang yixing. but it’s a reason that’s not good enough. he blinks back tears again that seem to be welling up in his eyes more often than not. he remembers the past. and he wants to be happy again.  
  


**☆**

  
  
the next day, zhang yixing feels well enough to get out of his house in the early morning. despite his messy hair, droopy eyes and unco-ordinated clothes, yixing feels much better than he had just a few days ago. and he takes it as a good indication. nothing can go downward after jongdae, he supposes, so his days go by better than the previous. he steps out of his house and walks along the pavement, feeling the breeze brush his hair back into place. he kind of wishes the breeze can help clear the clouded, heavy heart he has but the wind is physical. and his heart is emotional. _happy thoughts,_ he reminds himself yet again, for the nth time that morning. it’s hard to keep positive with all the gloomy thoughts overhanging. but he guesses he’ll get through.  
  
his feet lead him to familiar places, and in ten minutes, he’s at the han river, the breeze even stronger now and sun shining from above. he gets happy vibes from this place, and yixing feels relieved. his apartment has felt like a prison for far too long. he walks aimlessly at a leisurely pace, taking time to admire the colourful flowers planted beside the pathways. he never really had time to stop and take a look. jongdae had always pulled him away to the bicycle rental shop-- yixing stops himself from thinking about the certain _ex_ -lover, with high cheekbones and a one-in-a-million smile. _happy thoughts,_ he says.  
  
but happy thoughts never stay for very long because yixing catches sight of a familiar person. of two familiar people, in fact. yixing has always liked to meet new people and catch up with old friends. but this is the first time yixing wants to run, to hide, to get away from his misery. he shuffles behind a tall bush and peeks over.  
  
his heart clenches at the sight.  
  
joonmyeon and jongdae hand in hand, ice creams in the other. jongdae has cookies and cream, something yixing always teased him about, saying that it was a childish flavour. jongdae would always respond in a somewhat hostile, yet carefree manner, bumping yixing in the side and poking his tongue out at the older. _you’re dating a childish guy,_ he’d always respond. yixing would roll his eyes but smile lovingly at the other anyway. now jongdae’s doing it with another person and yixing feels sick from the large smiles plastered across kim joonmyeon and kim jongdae’s faces. _it should’ve been me._  
  
yixing watches, not caring if he looks like a creep staring from over the hedge. he likes to think that he has a good reason, reason being his broken heart. he sees joonmyeon reaching over to wipe away the ice cream jongdae accidentally smeared across his chin while taking a bite. jongdae looks at joonmyeon in slight surprise and bites playfully onto joonmyeon’s thumb. jongdae used to do that to yixing too. he doesn't feel all that special anymore. joonmyeon smiles widely, laughter tinkling in the air, and pokes jongdae’s cheek in retaliation. they laugh again. loving gazes that should've been jongdae’s and yixing’s.  
  
they look happy.  
  
and yixing breaks down all over again.

 

**Author's Note:**

> i know this fic is a bit messy in terms of plot and timings but i wanted to kind of show how messy yixing’s head is and it kind of broke my heart writing this. actually, it broke my heart into a million pieces. remind me never to write angst again ; n ;
> 
> Please support the author by leaving kudos and comments either here on or [LJ](http://91daes.livejournal.com/10639.html)!


End file.
